I’m finally back in front of my keyboard after so many months of sporadic writing, but I have to say that this time around, I’m not feeling guilty about being here instead of doing something around the house because I really miss writing my blog.
My fingers feel a little heavy and my mind a little numbed as I haven’t written much elsewhere either so today’s blog will perhaps be the shortest of my entries… we shall see.
After getting back from our trips to Lebanon and Mexico, my heart kept sending a very powerful message that I’ve been meaning to write about for many weeks. Today I will finally attempt to leave it printed somewhere so that I do not forget about one very important realization that I came upon after I had returned to the U.S.
As you may know, I came to the U.S. as a 19-year-old looking to get a degree and to go back to Mexico. College life away from my home country was very challenging and after I married my husband and said goodbye to my plans of returning to my family and my friends, I always felt a gap inside me. That gap was not empty however, it has always been filled with homesickness and though I have learned to close my eyes and ignore that need for home, sometimes it eats its way up to my heart making me ache.
It’s been ten years since I arrived to this country and I always thought that I wanted to leave, go somewhere more familiar to me. But then, we traveled a lot this year, spending in total close to three months away. And while we were gone together, my husband and I realized that what we have in our home countries are memories embellished by the time we have been away. That while we love the people in them very much, we really don’t have a place there, other than as a visitor, anymore.
We suddenly saw very clearly that even though we really don’t fit in where we live most of the time, we have found great people who have turned into our local family. We thought for the first time of the blessing that is to live in a country that allows us to shed the parts of our personalities or history that really aren’t who we are anymore and to go on and form a multicultural family that gets to set its own rules.
After so many years of longing for “home”, we looked at each other and found that home is where him, our children and I are together.
Home is here.