ForeignMom's Blog

Bicultural mom adjusting to motherhood in a foreign country

The Complicated Dating World of Moms November 3, 2010

Do moms date? Really? Well, yes we do! It may sound a little weird but meeting other moms has many similarities to meeting (and dating) guys.

When a stay-at-home mom is looking to meet people and make friends she:

  1. Goes to places where she can find others in her situation -like the playground or the public library.
  2. Initiates small talk with other women pushing strollers.
  3. May ask for a way to contact moms with whom she has had pleasant conversations and/or have children of the same age than hers.
  4. Asks to go on “playdates”, which really are mom dates to get to know each other better.
  5. May contact moms with whom she’s been “out” before for a second or third date.
  6. After she has gone through all previous steps successfully and continues going out with the same mom(s), she can say that she has made a new friend(s).

It may seem sarcastic but I am not trying to mock the process described above. Rather, I just want to provide readers with an idea of how complicated making mom friends can be.

I have been lucky in finding a social club for moms in my area which has numerous activities going on every week. This provides a non-scary setting to meet moms in the same situation than me without the “dating” factor. I have made friends there in an organic way just by being present at different events and socializing with the same group of moms. Joining this club has been the best thing I could have done since I decided to stay home as it has given me the chance to get out of the house and feel involved.

But I am a social butterfly who is always looking to make friends and that is why I tried “online mom dating” before. Remember one of my first posts about going on a blind date with another mom? Well, after the time we met, we really didn’t have any other excuse to get together so nothing happened “between us”. You see how talking about meeting other moms DOES sound a lot like talking about dating guys?

It is funny, I left that day after my blind date thinking that I may had found someone to hang out with who lived close to me, but nothing ever happened afterward. It was complicated as I hadĀ  (and still have) no clue of how etiquette would work in these cases. I invited blind-date-mom to a playdate in two different occasions getting a maybe for an answer both times. I then decided that perhaps I was being too pushy and that like in dating, I should play “hard to get” and wait for her to take the initiative. Consequently, like in dating, things just didn’t work out.

I had not thought about this until today, when her status change poped up on my Facebook page and I wondered whether I should just delete her from my friends list. We have no business being online “friends” if we have no other relationship, right? So I deleted her (along with a couple others) from my friends list.

I couldn’t help it but to feel weird about it though. Think about it, nowadays we let strangers in our online world way too easy. We “befriend” them in social sites giving them a key to our most intimate thoughts and memories (because if you are like me, your Facebook is loaded with pictures and comments), but we don’t even know much about the type of person they are. Do we really expect to get to know someone by cyber-stalking them, checking their photos and the info they post online?

After having experienced this side of mom dating, I am now more careful about “befriending” people online when I haveĀ  just met them in the real world. You just never know if they are going to like you or if you are going to be having playdates with them at all. Until then, is it really necessary that they know about all your status updates and check out all your photos?

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